Aug 7, 2015

struggle in life

peace be upon you and a very good evening.

yeap,August it is. You wanna know what is happening for the whole month of July..? to be honest I just let it gone pffttt just like that. Nothing much to remember about July, its like I skipped one month but I experienced 30 days of July. Okay I'm confused..!

Every day supposed to be a fresh new start to be a better person,a better person than we were yesterday. Its not that easy especially when you really got nothing to do,like NO THING to do other than changing channels between 613/614/615/616. (forever my favorite channels) When you sit alone by yourself having a cup of english breakfast black tea while reading a good book, out of the blue you will remember back the things you used to have a year or two years ago and you no longer have it now and will never have it again. Isn't it hard ? For me yes its fucking hard when you realised that you've grown old day by day and things keep on changing but the memories you've had will always remain at the back of your head.

The struggle that you have. People will never know. Never ever know because each and every one of us have a different problem. Do we have choice ? Actually no unless to accept it positively. Allah will never burden His servants with something that we couldn't handle. Yes sometimes I feel so broken inside out.That's the purpose actually. You will never know your creator if you were always at the top. He had told all of us whenever you feel lonely remember that I(Allah) will always here for you,whenever you feel upset I(Allah) is always The One who will wipe away all of our tears through His love letter.

I sometimes cried myself to sleep thinking about how I spent my life. I've been wasting it on something that I know I shouldn't do. People make mistakes yeah but people do have brain and its function is to think wisely. Lets say if you never experienced on handling one problem you will never know how to solve it. Honestly, I would make a stupid permanent decision when I let my brain and heart to decide. Then what else do we rely on in making decision. This is the right time to ask from God. You will not know the answer immediately like a few millisecond after you asked. Hell no..! but He will give you a perfect way out,where you didn't even realised its possible.

I cried cried and cried thinking how stupid I am in living my life. I should have done better. I laughed so hard like super hard every single day as well. People won't know the struggle I've been through in my everyday life. When I met a new bunch of people a first question they will asked is "Do you have a boyfriend?" -_- Dude..! come on..! Is it necessary to have one..? why do you make it like a compulsory to have one. I'm glad a job application form didn't have that question. --> "do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" if they include that question in the application form I will be the one who spent my semester break watching cartoon all day all night.

damn..! its almost 4 am in the morning. No wonder I feel so fucking sleepy. I gotta go. Feel a bit motivated after reading this post..? Good cause I don't care. Actually.