new start

the clock is ticking,
the day is moving,
the sun is rolling down,
the earth is spinning,
the heart is hurting...,
and tomorrow is the new beginning..
the beginning for a new semester new environment after been 2 weeks sitting at home doing nothing unless facebooking,crying,laughing,playing and also writing.. i've started to miss you.. MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY..
i go to a place where you're worked.. two days just want to see your face,just want to meet you but i can do nothing.. i cannot talk to you,i couldn't hold your hands,i cannot say goodbye to you,i cannot share my story with you what i've been through all this week.. the only thing i can do is just watched you from far,pretending that i'm there for playing and yet you was there you stare at me and i'm wondering what is in your heart saying about me once you saw me.. i've tried to call for your name but i can't,i can't because my heart beat faster than ever.. i afraid you might scold me or ask me to go away or you might chase me or maybe you will never ever want to look upon my face.. your last text wrote that you really hate me.. what am i suppose to do,i still need you,my heart is still beating for your name after it is written that my heart is yours.. on wednesday i saw you at the gumball's machine.. you was so happy talking with all of your friends but i still wondering "how's your inside?". i know you still in pain.. its killing me when we tried to avoid me,you walk away from me.. i know you want to go to the counter but i was there on that time so you go to your office.. see,your avoiding from meeting me.. my heart beat faster and faster,i've felt so nervous.. that are not only a butterfly flew over in my stomach i also could feel like a bird and also a dragonfly in here.. you will never know how thankful i am because you was there.. even i know i will never ever could talk to you,could hear for your voice but as long as you are there,i can see your face enough for me to know that you are just fine.. i miss to ask you"how's your day?".
i miss to ask you"have you got up from your bed yet?"..

like its just happened yesterday.. i've spend time with you,you treat me the BIG MAC and yours is DOUBLE G.C.B.. drive thru and eat in the car together. but now that moment had gone just like that,JUST LIKE THAT ! ALLAH have gave me such a short period of happiness.. a very short one like my life but that short time gave me longest memories for me to remember.. i remember everything about you.., 

your smile,

your smell,

your laughter,

your voice,

your advices,

your madness,

your text,

and the one thing i will never ever could erase from my mind

"YOUR FACE"

it is hurting me when now you are no longer mine.. my heart is stop beating when i said to myself 'he is no longer yours shafirah,why you waste his love before and now take that risk'.. 

ITS KILLING ME ! 

yesterday(thursday,17th.november.2011 : 10.26pm)..,
i saw you sitting on the blue chair,and suddenly you looked at me and you was surprised.. you know that you've surprised me ! you suppose to be at home,rest yourself up after you've been working for six days but yet you still came to check out for your place even that is not your working time.. my heart is beating faster and faster and when i entered you already gone,GONE TO NOWHERE ! i've been searching for you,looking to every angle of that place so i could see your face again before i go back to matric today but after i've finished my last game also i didn't see you at all.. "where are you?" i've started to wondering why you walk away from the place you've sat in fact you TOTALLY HATE ME,you don't want to know me at all,you refuse to remember me.. WHY ?

my mind is always thinking of you !!
my heart is always saying about you !!
my mouth is always calling for your name !!
my hand is always want to send a text to you !!

but the'always' have frightened me to make a move cause i afraid it could hurt you.. i just let my heart in pain as long as it is not yours.. i can feel that your heart is still beating for me.. is still waiting for me.. but if it is not nevermind as long as mine is still there for you.. waiting until you are here.. I'VE PROMISE THAT THIS HEART IS JUST FOR YOU.. i will never ever stop waiting until ALLAH took away my life and that feel will separate from my body.. you've stole my heart and you still keep it that's why i know where can i found for my heart.. looking for you and i'd found mine ! 

yesterday life

 *meet this girl name farsha

today was my last day i've been siting at home..
so,yesterday brings me a lot of joyful moment.. have gone to MEGALANES for a short activity.. tooks about 2 hours for bowling, half an hour for supper and another half for walking and gossiping..
that's what is happened when a girl meet the other girl = girls day out !
not much story could describes that moment,just let the photos tell us the story..
*mlz nk tulis

make a fun with WEDNESDAY

helooo,WORLD !
today is already wednesday and i have one more day left to be at home.. not much things that i can do in just one day but i still have another 12 hours to spend with my friends.. still not enough..!!!
nevermind i will fight for my future in second semester,insyaallah..
many things that scared me..!!

1.result for PSPM I

2.MUET on 18th.november.2011

3.my life without someone special

**anyway i will never ever look behind and walk forward without worried

thank you

first of all,
i would like to wish a very big thank you for your extreme love..
i'm glad that u do love me that much before.. i appreciate all the things that you've done to me..
all your cares, all your love, all your times and all your patient..
i'm the most luckiest girl ever born cause you saw me as the person you can believe in before you know me for the real one.. i admit i always waste all the things that you gave to me,without you know i'd kept all of that deep down side because my heart,my life and my thought all have been filled by you..
but now you want me to go and you're gone for the real one.. you've hurt too much until you cannot bear to stand that pain anymore.. everything that i do,everything that i say you will never want to listen,never want to give me a chance to explain because for you it is all DECEPTION.. i can do nothing even if i love you so but you,you really hate me there's nothing can make you come back.. i've cried,cried and cried until i realise there are no more tears to go then it is stop crying but my heart is broken all the scars were opened.. i waiting for your call,waiting for your text.. after 3 hours i remember back your words "i'll block your number shafi"..
i've to face the truth even it is hard for me.. huhh~ things that happened couldn't be turned back.. "if there is a chain on your door,i understand".. it will happened if you willing to forgive me for this time because i will waiting for you until my last breath.. this is what i promise you so even i go on with my life but still i keep this promise and never ever let it go.. I PROMISE TO MYSELF I'LL KEEP IT ! i didn't promise to anyone just to myself that i will waiting for him.. thank you cause your love is still burning inside me..

i do miss my school

after been a year i haven't go to school,didn't get into the white and blue clothes,surround with small little kids and so on that relate with school's environment..
YES,I DO MISS MY SCHOOL ! from the first day in my life i enter to a teens world PANGLIMA PERANG is my first and the last school i've ever been..
so many things i've learned throughout that 5 years from form 1 until form 5..

laughed,

cried,

run,

walked,

talked,

eat,

slept,

read,

study,

*so many things i've done

and now i feel like i want to go to school back to feel that experience back once again but i do grown up.i will never ever felt the same if i go back on time. now i have to face the future,the more mature life,more complicated things and more challenge to get through.. I BELIEVE IN MYSELF ! as long as i still can breath i will never ever give up and never ever let the person i love down.. that's my PROMISE.. i will keep it until i die..

dear santa !

2 days left for me to spend my holiday at home..
its seem like no time for hang out so decided to spend most of my time at home and get pack all of my stuff that i should bring to my second house..

"I FEEL BLESSED BECAUSE I'VE LEFT MY SADNESS BEHIND"

love is just for a while and for me a true love already died bcoz it is never ever exist..
i'm glad i didn't gave my whole heart for him to play with,for him to broke it and for him to bleed it..!
*i knew i screwed it up, but i will love you forever.no one can get into my heart unless you
everything is just a lied.. you will never walk away from my life if you truely love me,you will never ever mad at me even for once if i do something wrong..
okey enough on that !

"LIFE MUST BE GO ON".

really thankful to ALLAH cause ALLAH gave me a strength to move forward and never look behind.. think positive is always work.. for my "upcoming birthday" here some wish list from a little girl to change this big world.. :

1.got 4-flat in every examination that i've sat

2.no feeling toward guys nor a girls

3.could hang out all the time with my dearest friends:

arab,alia,dyana,atiqah,hasan,alif,farsha & farah

4.have a part-time job to fill up my long holiday after matric

*5.could proceed to second semester

6.never care about single and never think "y there's no guy for me"NEVER"

7.be in my own world laughing,singing,dancing and reading *FUN

8.appreciate every second in our life

9.want to help anyone who in trouble

10.smile =)

a birthday girl's soon to be on 21st.NOVEMBER.2011 hope my wish will come true.. i've make a researches about my wishlist and i really sure that it's a great things for me to make a change.. CHANGE FOR A BETTER,just for me.. GO LIL'DOC. !! *you have a potential ; this is what my teacher said to me and i know i have it.. I DO HAVE A POTENTIAL TO SUCCEES..

girl's meeting..

waaa..!!
it has been a long time i haven't meet my close friend that i've found during NS long time ago..
this is what we called fate.. ALLAH give us a chance to meet again..
6.30 pm arrived at the biggest mall at kuantan for this while then meet my old friend name FARSHA..
we've been talking,walking,eating and also singing together..
we having a joyful moment together..

tried to deny !!

i admit that you still in mind flying around in my box of thinking..!
but i also sure that is not for long..
u will slowly dissapears from the place where u shouldn't be..
"YOU ARE NO ONE"..
no one for me to think about but it is hard for my heart to denied that you still mine.!
however you already gone for the real one,
you made it to forget about me but for me,only for a while,when i was really happy being with my friends there are none thought about you but when i'm on my own you are here with me..
please go away from my mind!!! stop killing me!!!
i've tried to denied that i'm still in love with you bcause that is just a theory of life.love life doesn't exist..!!

movie,fashion,gossiping....

great..!!
i'm getting better..
friends is always around to make me laugh and live my night..
that's why friends is the most important person ever but this statement is just for the "old friends".
lover that we doesn't know why they exist didn't gave any reason to make us stay for such a long period in order to make one relationship stay on the right track..
now i already forget and move on with the new me..
new me without you..! what is the used if i can't hang out with all of my friends just want to obey your order..
HELLO! you do give me a happiness but i really sure that's not for long,so stay away if you think you want to stop me from being in my social life..
once you done that i've lost all of my respect to you,and that 's make me hate you more than i ever done..
you want to pointing at me for a small things that i've done.. you bring it up everytime we fight and never care about what am i goin to say.. my explaination is a 'DECEPTION' to you.. anything that happen have thier own reason but you,you always goes to the left side of thinking make you think that you are right in fact that is not all the things you able to manage until you could make it right..

maybe my opinion quite childish but you have to know how to be such a great leader to lead everything bcause most of things depend on the first attempt of thought.. huhh~ whatsoever!don't want to talk about couple life anymore,no more,never ever fall in love AGAIN..

dear ALLAH
*please close my heart very tightly so it will never ever open to anyone.. please i begged for MERCY..
i don't want to take this anymore.never ever cross in my mind to think about this once again.. aminn~

early in the morning activities..

first place bfore i've meet my friends i watched for an IMMORTAL movie.. wow ! so cool,being in there alone siting beside a stranger and the most coolest i've ever done is buying a ticket wif jus a word "one person only",thank you.. it is aren't that bad if we want to be on our own for a certain thing and i can only do that when my status state that I'M SINGLE.. cool haa..!

enough on that..
go on wif our plan.. when i'm still on for my movie i've got a phone call ask me to be a part of their gossiping group.. after a long time i haven't hang out until 3 am with my old friend now the moment is here.. still alive..!
we've talk about our friend's wedding,fashion,foods and people around us and you don't worry so much bcause we do mention your name as one of the person we've been talking about.. tu larh laen kali mak jemah suruh kau jaga perangai kau buat muka skrng rasekan.. *padahal aku yg dosa !
LAUGH OUT LOUD UNTIL WE DROP A TEARS OF HAPPINESS..
it could make me forget about all of my pain and feel like there is nothing happen bfore,feels like there is no heart break at all..finally,i made it to forget my past and able to go on with my life with a help of a people called 'FRIENDS'.. tenkiu for bring me back to life again.. very THANKFUL TO ALLAH cause ALLAH have gave me such an understanding and happening friends.. ENJOY..!

F.O.R.G.O.T !

most people understand and knowthe feeling of being played.

being played by a boy you would do anything for.

a boy that you love.

and that you love a lot.

a boy that makes you smile just by texting you "HEY".

a boy that makes you think that you had something.

a boy that constantly made you laugh and smile.

a boy that stopped texting you one day.

a boy that started ignoring you,

acting like he didn't know you.

and acting like never had something.

I KNOW THAT FEELING !

"i wish i could that boy up"

but,i realise i can't give that boy up

and NEVER WILL

maybe i don't play hard to get,

bcause i know he won't chase after me.

maybe i "forget things'" at my locker,

and walk by ten more times,

just soit's mandatory to say HI.

maybe i laugh extra hard,

smile extra big,

and talk extra loud,

just so he notices.

MAYBE THERE ARE OTHER GIRLS OUT THERE

doing the exact same, or 

"maybe that's just me"

easy for you but not for me..

ALLAH give both of us a chance to fall in love..
ALLAH give both of us an opportunity to know each other very well..
ALLAH give both of us enough time to spend together..
ALLAH give both of us feel everything that u haven't wish upon..
ALLAH also have wrote that u are not mine forever
so,
this is our end.the pain that i gain,the tears that i'd dropped the happiness that i've felt shows how powerful one love is. bfore this i haven't felt such this strong feeling until make me feel like i'm dying in living my life. but i cannot turn back once i already in it before this i do promise i will never ever would into this kind of feeling but it is suddenly happened. lots of thing we've been through and lots of thing we've been wasted and yet we end with nothing and will had nothing at very last. I do love you with all of my heart since u enter into my life and win my heart i already gave you my life and without you by my side make me completely dead.! i've promise i will make you happy everyday but i failed to be such a great lover to you. i've tried,tried and tried because the moment you walk away from me at first i thought that is the end for us but you still can forgive for all of my mistakes and accept me back i make a promised that i will never ever waste anything that you gave me before but actually you didn't gave me a chance to make things rite you only allow me to be with you and never leave you.
I don't understand at all what is goin on with me.?!!! you already showed that you love me with your whole heart but i still fail in my try. my try to make things goes rite.. i don't know which part did i missed.. but now nothing could ever change you and come back to me cause it is hard for me to forget and let you go but for you.. it is easy for you that is why i'm really proud of you cause you such a strong man. i do agree that i will go away from your life forever but my heart didn't. it will stay a want you to come back even i know i will waiting for a star to appear during the day but nothing could change it,i will waiting and never ever go in fact my mouth said that i let you go but my heart said 'NO' you are still mind.. see,love have make me out of mind and cross the things that haven't thought bfore.. this show how strong your love is.

transformation !

new life with a fresher air to breath even my chest is still in pain cause about just now my heart is already burst until it is already broke my rib cage so it is too pain to breath the air in but nevermind we have to move our live we cannot let them die bcause every second in our life is priceless,positive side okey means it is worth it to capture every moment. enough on that ! right now no more fucking damn sad thing should be think only a best one so i could start my new own life with a great one. YEAH BABEYH ! be strong no matter how weak u are but if u stay strong the strength will come in many ways.

transformation begin,from...

...the girl in love into a girl with no love

...a special girl for someone into a nothing for everyone

...live with tears every single second into laughing in every single action

...a moody person to a very cheerish girl

...having a bad dreams into a no dreams ever during my sleep

...always build a castle in the air into build a strength with a help of an air

...complicated girl into a simple i've ever be

it is hard to make a change in our life for sumthing better but i'm the one who goin to make my first impression works a million star. make a change is try to adapting a new thing in our living and our lifestyle but once the changes work it will worth it.

p/s:bkn senang shafi nk lpekan **** tp shafi akan cuba sehabis baik sbb shafi ta nk seksa diri shafi sendiri cause me deserve better even without other love,unless you.. it is easy for you to get rid of me from your heart and mind once you have another person better than me,but i don't care as long as you got a happiness that i've failed to give. go ahead take a very good care of her..

I WISH.....

...i could be on my own all day long
...i couldn't drop my tears
...i laugh all the time throughout my years
...i still a small kid that no one care to judge
...i've nothing to think about
...there's no one know me
...i could stand up properly without care what other people say
...i could be everything

...there is no love exist in my life so there is nothing make me think about the fucking sad thing n make me cried every single minute.. when there is no love i could feel i will never ever feel any pain no more hurt can make my heart dying..but who am i want to wish for something like that bcoz there is only ALLAH ALMIGHTY..everything that happened to us for every second have been written by ALLAH.. that's also relate with the fact of life..we never ever satisfies for one thing that we've owned..once we've got the thing that we want they will be came with another one other thing to teach us how to make a decision in our life..
that's what we called an EXPERIENCE.. this words seem so simple but actually there is sumthing hiding behind  this word..one who lack in life's experience will hard to find way out from any trouble.. this is not the purpose y i came out wif this post.. i've been through a complicated life for now..i've fall in love after about 3 years i haven't felt this way since my LOVE LIFE has gone three years ago far,far away from me.. on that time my heart is completely broke into a pieces.. that CRIMINAL has stole my heart n to show that he's still kind a person he'd returned it back to me but on that time it is already in form of pieces.. so i've took it with a cried on my face n yet no one know that i'm dying in the inside.. i live on my own even i'm surround wif all of my frends but still i'm in my own world,the 'DARK' one.. i've tried to fix it on my own even i've made it to recombine the pieces back but still the scar is there bcoz a broken heart can be pieced back together,it might be a heart again but still a broken one..

NEW LIFE FOR ME..!!!

forget about stupid damn sad thing n go on wif my life until i'd found this guy that make me fall in back once again.. everyday i pray so i could see him near me and ALLAH fulfill that for me give me a chance to fall in love again.. day by day i saw him but hard for me to say a single word to him cos i've got a butterfly in my stomach everytime i saw him around so it is impossible for me to talk to him.. one on the unexpected day ever in my life he asked for my phone number then i asked him C or M he choose the M one thought i'm not always used that number but still activated so i gave it to him.. week by week rite after that we've been so close to each other until he'd win to stole my whole heart.. lots of things i've done to him but still he can forgive me for all of my mistakes.. TENKIU MY DEAR.. without u know every time u forgive me i've tried not to hurt u anymore but yet i still not understand you.. u've warn me so many time not to make a same mistakes but still i've make a wrong in same part but doesn't mean it's not hurting me too.. i've felt that pain the same as u feel even i know the pain that u feel are much stronger than mine.. since i'm still a human being i couldn't escape from make a mistake.. now everything not same as bfore i only could pray n nvr stop praying.. i just want u to know that i write a letter to you in my journal every night bcoz u're to busy to talk to me now,one day i may give them to you but for now i just go to bed every night with you in my mind and the understanding i'm not in yours..

last CHAPTER

that is where i'm..
finished all of my journey to gain as many knowledge as i could throughout the first semester..
four subject should be carried :

1.PHYSICS
2.CHEMISTRY
3.BIOLOGY
4.MATHEMATICS


never ever thought that i could carried all this subjects but experience have taught me to be strong..past experience do..! i will never get to see a future if i couldn't let my past gone..that is how i motivate my life..
bitter moment when we fail in one test but the bitter could be the sweetest things ever if we able to adapt some of the silly mistakes that we have made before..my last paper for PSPM I was cemistry..that's all..after all of the  things i do, spend almost 25 hours jus to read hoping that it will worth a thousand day without humours give me a great result on future.. INSYAALLAH.. pray and leave it to ALLAH..

now it is time for me to be on my own without thinking about all of my books.. for this while it is all about my personal life,used every second for an useful things n spend as much as i can wif all the person i love..

thing-I-never-done_before -____-"

less than 2 weeks i can see my room,meet my hunny pie n also my whity-toasty..
nothing more to be discuss just wanna share a story of my weird behaviour when i'm staying for more than two weeks at matric's hostel..

list :
1.wearing a watch for 24 hours nvr ever take it of
2.eat a rice with lauk only no chicken nor fish
3.walk so,very,really fast from one place to another
4.sleep together wif an open books

there are no to many things that can be listed for now since my mind couldn't think briefly about the things that happen at matric.. only few of it..!

CRUSH ! dushh~

everything has been fragile..
why all this must happened to me..?
first time i ever saw u i couldn't turn my head not to look at you bcoz i realize from the way u talk from the way u walk from the way u communicate wif people i'm really not suit you..
almost everyday i meet during my work.. the truth is,it's hard to wake up early in the morning to work but when ur face appears in my mind everything be possible it suddenly giv me strength to go on wif my work coz hoping u will be there..

a few days bfore i've wrote my resignation letter i've tried my hard to be close to you so i could talk wif u get to know u even not really well-known but for that time knowing u is a dream in reality..
it is so UNBELIEVEABLE when u ask for my phone number.. from that moment i really hope that u feel the way i feel.. jus bfore i continue my study u try really hard to win my heart.. but for me to completely accept u in my life for that short is impossible.. then u keep on trying until u made it..u've win my whole heart but i have no idea why i still hesitate to let u in maybe bcoz of my past..u txt me call me whenever u free but for me to replying ur txt will always takes time..an hour or 5 hours later but u never stop txting me in hoping u will receive at least one page enough for u to know that i'm still there with u,remember u..but without u knowing bfore u've got my phone number i never stop thinking about u.. think that what would u do on this time,where might u be on that time..?? the reason y it will takes time to replying for ur txt is jus bcoz i'm thinking the proper answer for ur question so it could be perfect..it is quite silly when i think it twice..

fragile ! fragile ! fragile

a few weeks later we've been so close to each other.. i'd started to rplying ur txt on time.. pick up ur fon call as soon as i could reach my phone.. then,we've proceed to the next level in relationship a month later an exclusive one..u said that started from now on there is no more me no more u but there is only 'US'.. that words sound simple but really complicated to carried.. i'd agreed since i believe i can do it.. i can make it happen.. i've never tengs to you bcoz there is always u the one who make every move.. u willing to fetch me from matric that takes about 35 minutes to reach from ur home and sent me back the very next day that on the same day u work at 12 noon.. that very sweet of u willing to do everything for me so i realise that u really love me.. i've realise all that from the first day u asked me out for an informal date but never tell u bcoz my heart had stop me to say it to u..

page 89,
until now we're still together in a hope that we could be forever n no end point for 'US'..

out of syllabus

finally....!

i'm home..
after for more than 2 weeks,more than 14 days,more than 3600 hours n more than 18000 seconds i haven't see my room,my toasty n my doopy now i'm here for them.. really bad ! i only can spend my time with all of them less than 2 weeks.. no matter what there is nothing could stop me from meet them..*for sure coz i already here! WHAT A MESS

after a long time my fingertips haven't dancing along on my lappy's board wif a sound of wind from the outside make me n my nail so happy to work together as a team to build up a great thing that we've done a long time ago..furhh~*blow out the dust
it has been so dusty of my keyboard.. ish,ish,ish..

there are too many changes around here,i'm not quite sure which part was missing or i missed sumwhere bfore..hurmm ! nevermind bcoz here still my home,'HOME SWEET HOME'.. no where could compare here.. 

tot,tet,tot,tet...

lot of things had happened to me throughout last 3 weeks..

bad feeling,bad habits,bad dream,bad headache n also back pain*sabit

but it is not all the bad things happened..!

that's what we called life..

a good things always come wif the bad one..

PRO & CON.

most of my time i've used it just concentrate on my study bcoz i always remember my mum's quote :now on is the season of studying.. no matter what kind of study if u still followed up this trend u still in the right track in living..so i take that as a matter for every second in my life when i'm still at matric..LURVE U MUM !

classmate that always around : 

                                                from the left : anis,su,wawa,mira,(me),chan

p/s : what is goin on actually wif this blogger.. GETTING SLOW..! nk upload photo pon smpat solat subuh sambung pulak isyak esoknya.. seronok btol tnggu lme2..

FINE ! getting bored.. gotta go need to ease my mind for a little while..