Oct 18, 2015

keeping the momentum

Hello October..! Hei people..!

October is such a cool month isn't it..? or maybe its just me the only one who think that October is "trying" to be nice to me. What made me said that is because its already 18th October and I am still single. Okay I'm not complaining.! Besides I'm not looking for a boyfriend why should I talk about it. Enough with October.. Okay October you can keep going till the end of your life just I need you to be a bit hurry,please. *begging face*

OMG..! clinical year I am in now..!
This is the most interesting topic to throw craps about in my post for this time. so yeah be prepared people..! Okay first of all Thanks Allah for this big thing. This is more than enough to ask as a medical student besides to pass in every exam or mini tiny and little test.

Kids..! Little creatures which I don't even know how handle especially when they're crying,screaming,jumping,running around or in other words "home run" and the most irritating part about them is that when they want to play with your gadget. Hey tiny human please realised that you're tiny and you don't even know how to swipe the phone screen to unlock. Maybe your toys are way more exciting than our iPhone or iPad or anything. Omygadd..! I really don't understand why must they get attracted with those gadgets when their toys like Playdoh, Lego, that tiny hotwheels cars, colorful rattles and too many to state in here since this post is not about introducing people of kids toys.

yeahh..! Here we come the real discussion about my first clinical posting. Peadiatrics department. In my batch we've been divided into 5 groups and different group went to different posting so that's the reason why I started with Peadiatric posting. At first we were very blurred like totally lost. We walked in to the Peadiatrics ward in Manjung hospital and just able to smile and acting cool.. We're trying to look cool when in our mind there was a mixed in thought at that time, but who cares right..? I only stick with these three people from the beginning till the end of peadiatrics posting. They are a coolest bunch of genius I would like to finish my third year with. The whole third year, until surgery posting, our last posting. I'm hoping for it..! but if we're not meant to be in the same group again for the next posting its okay,I guess..

erkk..! my laptop is about to drain out of battery and I forgot to bring the adapter.. and it is the most shitty thing ever happened. why can't gadget"s battery life stays forever. Come on..! kids love you gadget.. :/

Aug 7, 2015

struggle in life

peace be upon you and a very good evening.

yeap,August it is. You wanna know what is happening for the whole month of July..? to be honest I just let it gone pffttt just like that. Nothing much to remember about July, its like I skipped one month but I experienced 30 days of July. Okay I'm confused..!

Every day supposed to be a fresh new start to be a better person,a better person than we were yesterday. Its not that easy especially when you really got nothing to do,like NO THING to do other than changing channels between 613/614/615/616. (forever my favorite channels) When you sit alone by yourself having a cup of english breakfast black tea while reading a good book, out of the blue you will remember back the things you used to have a year or two years ago and you no longer have it now and will never have it again. Isn't it hard ? For me yes its fucking hard when you realised that you've grown old day by day and things keep on changing but the memories you've had will always remain at the back of your head.

The struggle that you have. People will never know. Never ever know because each and every one of us have a different problem. Do we have choice ? Actually no unless to accept it positively. Allah will never burden His servants with something that we couldn't handle. Yes sometimes I feel so broken inside out.That's the purpose actually. You will never know your creator if you were always at the top. He had told all of us whenever you feel lonely remember that I(Allah) will always here for you,whenever you feel upset I(Allah) is always The One who will wipe away all of our tears through His love letter.

I sometimes cried myself to sleep thinking about how I spent my life. I've been wasting it on something that I know I shouldn't do. People make mistakes yeah but people do have brain and its function is to think wisely. Lets say if you never experienced on handling one problem you will never know how to solve it. Honestly, I would make a stupid permanent decision when I let my brain and heart to decide. Then what else do we rely on in making decision. This is the right time to ask from God. You will not know the answer immediately like a few millisecond after you asked. Hell no..! but He will give you a perfect way out,where you didn't even realised its possible.

I cried cried and cried thinking how stupid I am in living my life. I should have done better. I laughed so hard like super hard every single day as well. People won't know the struggle I've been through in my everyday life. When I met a new bunch of people a first question they will asked is "Do you have a boyfriend?" -_- Dude..! come on..! Is it necessary to have one..? why do you make it like a compulsory to have one. I'm glad a job application form didn't have that question. --> "do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" if they include that question in the application form I will be the one who spent my semester break watching cartoon all day all night.

damn..! its almost 4 am in the morning. No wonder I feel so fucking sleepy. I gotta go. Feel a bit motivated after reading this post..? Good cause I don't care. Actually.

Jul 4, 2015

the feelings

"Beautiful Disaster". Yeap these are suitable words that perfectly describe kind of disaster each and every one of us when they thought they have tried their very hard handling it but the fact is they were not. It's not that easy when it comes to feelings. Feeling is something that you,your own self couldn't even describe what was it and why was it existed when you didn't need it. That is why Allah reminds us to be careful with your heart. Play safe when it comes to feelings.! Never easily trust someone to hold your heart because even your heart is not owned by you and Allah is the true holder of your heart, thus believe in Him to keep your heart from being broken by a person. 

Living in this world full with something that have one head,two hands,two legs and being called human is way to complicated. Do you wanna know why ? because human have heart and brain that control them in the same time just different ways. Sometimes your brain tells you to go to the beach but your heart wants you to be alone at home reading love stories while enjoy a cup of tea. We might have two same things but it is not necessarily same in the way we think and feel. Philosopher one said "If you feels something about a person do not hesitate to tell him/her how does you feel about him/her". WAIT A MINUTE ! Invalid statement ! What I've learned through out my whole life is do not take signs given from others for granted. Some people do not know how to tell others what things that cross in their mind they will show you instead.

Dude ! Could you please don't easily judge or jump to conclusion immediately..? Just don't..! It is so not cool man.! The first thing is that you completely have no idea what had one gone thru in his/her life before you met that person. That person's heart might have been cheated on,played and broken. She already gave him everything but she got nothing in return. She have been patient to stay in relationship until she cried herself to sleep every night just to gain a strength in the next morning. She think about him all the time in hope he would do the same. She talked to God about him in her prayer everyday every night. In the end he simply said "I don't think its going to work between us". He simply walked away without even looked at her eyes. She tried to hold back her tears just to show how strong she is when actually the pain is killing her from inside and she falls apart at that time. 

Then,a month gone. She moved on but still at the back of her mind the memories are still there,sometimes she cries for no reason. She believes that no matter what nothing could change things that is already happened. Only she's able to change her life by let everything go. She trust nobody unless her own self. She believes that she will come across many good looking guys and guys who willing to drop everything for her. She continued her life differently. She appreciated her time being alone walk by the beach and have a cup of green tea all by herself. She now realised no matter how hard you want that person to stay in your life if they've decided to leave they will. We cannot force anyone to stay. 

You never know how's her life before. She might share a bit of her love life with you and you only know a few not all. There are some parts she can't tell because she doesn't want to remember every single thing. Never assumed..! Your life is completely different from others. There's must be a reason why she is so insecure and always pushed people around her. She have lost her trust towards people and she needs time because only time could heal every broken heart. 

Jun 25, 2015

favourite place

Peace to be upon my Muslims readers and good evening all..!

June arrived and its a holy month of Ramadhan. There's no excuses for kids out there not to fasting since Ramadhan this year is in the middle of the year and no holiday yet for them. Let me tell ya a bit of my childhood memories. When it comes to Ramadhan every year,as far as I remember I was like 8-12 year of age, the only thing I loves is performing 'Terawih' prayer at the nearest mosque with my childhood friends. Damn it was fun.! Totally.!

Tbh,we're not really went there to pray we were there just to play instead. But not for the whole 3 hours. When it comes to the last rakaat we will suddenly be at the very back row where none of the adult noticed us gone since the first rakaat. We ran like crazy from the playground which is only besides the mosque back in to the saf just to pretend that we're performing the shalat. Well,kids..! We love to play around.
At least I've got something for me to remember about my childhood. Awesome.! A perfect word to define it.

Now,I'm already 22 and there's no way I will do such things I did when I was a kid even though I miss doing it sometimes. *giggling*

Ouh,I forgot to tell that I've passed..! heyy people I've passed my first MBBS professional examination. MBBS..? well I also do not know what does MBBS stand for but Alhamdulillah.. Maybe Mr.Google can explain a way better than I could if you ask what is the meaning of MBBS. Just saying..! Technically, I'm free for a month and half. I will spent the whole fasting month at home in Kuantan which is I love it so so much. I also need to reset back my biological clock and remind myself that when night comes,its time to sleep. Still trying because I've fucked it up for more than a month back. Since,I'm in a holiday mood so I've got a lot of time for myself, do my own things and be in my own world. I didn't always being alone because I love talking and laughing but since I've pleased people for quite long,longer than I please myself, I guess its time to be alone for a while.

*running to the toilet*
Sorry for the delay.
Okay. Where are we again..? Holiday..! yeayyy for me again. Since its Ramadhan and I'm fasting from a first day so I've decided to make my everyday not a lazy day. Started from an early breakfast then as usual I went back to sleep after I finished read a few pages of "Safe Haven" book. I woke up around 11 or 12 and I went to check out the town if I ever missed anything or any road. Usually I will ended up my journey to the one and only beach in kuantan called Teluk Cempedak. Its already day 7th of Ramadhan and I always had my Iftar outside or at my grandma's house. After I done with everything I will get back to my normal routine which is reading. I read and I get bored so I grabbed my guitar and plugged it like I know how to play. For me as long as you know how to strum and know the chords you've already passed the basics. Haha.

3 o'clock in the morning.
I will changed my pajamas to a sport attire and work my ass off to be in shape. Fasting month not gonna stop me from working out. Okay I think that's all from me for the things that I constantly do since a first day I got home. Happy Ramadhan fella..!


Apr 4, 2015

21st century.

Peace be upon you.
Its been almost a year I haven't post anything or even check my blog's account and yet I still remember the password which is good because if I fail to sign in earlier I wouldn't bother to go back to my email and reset everything. Hell No People !

Since today is Saturday so I've got so much time to think and throw craps in here. Okay where to start ? actually I've lost in my own thought right now because there are so many things to think about.
Ooh I know first of all welcome to CYBERJAYA shafirah !
I'm in CYBERJAYA people I repeat CYBERJAYA. If ever you miss me especially my laugh I know right, just come and say hi, I guess it is more than enough. Or maybe wave from far. Or just smile.
The reason why I'm here is that I've switched to different university which slightly have the same name just the front letter is different because this one located somewhere in cyberjaya.

I won't tell you the detail of my university because I really don't give a fuck about it.
I'm here because medical profession need me in the future, If Allah wills.

69 days before professional examination. Okay that's random I know but trust me you wouldn't have time to even walk slowly if you know the facts that we as medical students need to know everything from the cell structures to the formation of hair because time is gold.

hahahilarious..! I said that but still I'm here try to post at least one entry for this new year of 2015 even though its already april but still in 2015. *flip hair*

CYBERJAYA is very hot so this is it for my entry. night fella !

Apr 22, 2014

good quality,i guess.

peace be upon all of my muslim readers.
__maggie big curry....(background ads.)
this is totally me. Switch on the tv but got nothing to watch. It is like necessary thing to do when I am relaxing myself at living hall alone,instead of listening to music I rather let the tv on without watching cause it feels insecure when you are alone in silent around this time where your parents and siblings are all asleep.

before we go to the main point why I decided to write something let me tell you how can I had time to sign in this account where I haven't checked for about more than a month,i guess. pfft~ This is because I'm in holiday mood.. Sound fantastic huhh ? I got two weeks emergency leaves due to an internal problem that my university faced right now. The details of what is happening is I don't know because I'm not one of the highest committee. so I take it as a positive thing because at least I had a chance to go back home where I were right now.

Okay back to my point for this entry..
Fourth semester ! second year I am in.. Alhamdulillah..
I got no word to describe how thankful I am for this sustenance.
First community service for me and my fellow doctors-in-training.
12th.April.2014 was the date and I feel really excited for that day actually. A night before I couldn't close my eyes and sleep tightly due to the hours counted was overwhelmed and basically I will feel very like totally sleepy on the next day if I couldn't sleep but for this case only I didn't. I felt wide awake ! weird me i guess. Lol..

the venue for our service was at Kampung Kota and it took around 20 minutes from our hostel. On that day,only got two groups from our batch which are my group,group 8 and the other group,group 7. We departed at 7.45 am and reached our destination at 8.20 am. The estimation of our time to reached the destination was around 8.10 am but then we're lost and it was the funniest part about this road trip. Me and the other four people which are my group members were in the same car and we follow the other car which was driven by Allyn. Her co-pilot didn't used any map or GPS devices or anything to show the correct path yet confidently gave direction. Halfway then we were told that we already lost and need to find the correct road. I guess the co-pilot learnt a lesson and knew he was using his smart phone and tried to find a help from the 'waze' apps. Sometimes overconfident could throw you off to nowhere..

The host welcomed us with nice treats where the villagers prepared us breakfast before we started with our service. Great neighbourhood with a strong bond between neighbours. Around 9.45 am we started to visit our patient's family at his house. We were asked by our coordinator who in charge during that day which is Dr.Brenda to do exactly the same as we've learnt during Problem Based Learning towards our patient and we were given a patient who suffered a chronic condition which is cerebral palsy.

History taking started from the mother of our patients until the last child in the family. Then we've done the physical examination towards all the children in the family from the steps of taking the heartbeat count until the palpation for vocal fremitus.

What a great experienced I had on that day. Not only for my course where I should learned most of the things from the books only for this two and a half years but also learned about life,be thankful for everything that we've owned now because we never know the future and what is going to happen in the future. *sobs

Mar 21, 2014

the sound of a fish

can you imagine how amazing does it feels to be home for a month. I means real home. The one that people called it "home sweet home". I'm done with third semester and slowly walked in next semester which is 4 that come after three. You wanna know how do I spent my holiday ? ouh before that I just wondered how come the big thing like airplane went missing ?

the issue is none of my business anyway.
The girl who never get bored with her life,do you think so ? Yes she is. Never stop looking for something to do instead of just lay down on bed while holding a remote control with a bottle of juice like all the time. The truth is I decided to stay home alone and do whatever I want but when I think it twice there's nothing more I can do other than fall asleep while watching a tv. Final decision I go with part time job. Awesomeness overload ! I work at cinema again. Why ? because I love to watch movies and if I work at cinema I got the privilege where I can watch any movies that I want. Sounds fantastic right ! Plus I met a lot of people during my work time rather than just see the unreal people behind the screen. At least I was exposed.. Not just exposed to human but also germs because germs came along with human and human bring along the germs. Who cares about that by the way ?

I creates memories every single day. I captured golden moments with people I love.
and here some pictures of people I met for last two weeks.

Feb 20, 2014

exam week

yeayy !
Holiday had come and now I am free for just a month. =.="
but for me even a day given for holiday,away from books enough to makes me realise how fantastic life is.
I already in third semester of second years and I just finished with my third semester two days ago after I sat for final examination in duration of a week.
I got no time for other things during study week even though there's no class or tuition. I was overwhelmed with exam things.

10th.February.2014 was the first day for final exam. A day before,nope actually a night before the exam I was so cool. I mean I still can control my nervous hormone but it cannot stand for too long. Monday morning which is the first day of exam I realised my sympathetic system started to bloat and adrenaline started to hike above the normal level,my heart was racing. PPD was a first paper and thanks God the questions wasn't destroy my brain cell,yet. Note that people "yet".

11th.February,2014. Second day of final. Night before I and my other study members struggle together started from 9 pm until 3 am for epidemiology module and its worth it as most of the questions we've discussed come out in the exam. Says goodbye to epidemiology !

*what we do when we waiting for Aidid(another group member) to start the sg*

12th.February.2014. how fast time flies. Its already third day of final and I sat for integumentary system module. Slept at 5.30 am and woke up at 7.15 am. This is the main reason why my hormone imbalance. I need a sleep man ! Alhamdulillah, I cannot complained more as its worth lacking of sleep for the sake of my INS module. LOL.

13th.February.2014. Musculoskeletal system was a next paper and I am ready to stir the questions and fry the answers. Study group helped me get thru the whole week of exam. We discussed,we argued,we laughed and we stayed up all night together. How wonderful it was being with those who you comfortable to be with and study the same things with them. Two more papers to go and really can't wait to finish the next paper which is Nervous system and basic mechanism of diseases.

14th.February.2014. Friday comes after Thursday and NVS module comes after MSS. Nervous system is the most complex system in our body and not that easy to understand each and every of the process for diseases that affects the nervous system as it involve our brain. Alhamdulillah I managed to answer all the question with satisfaction.

17th.February.2014. Last paper for final and it was basic mechanism of diseases. Monday morning felt so tired because I spend less than couple hours on sleep. Perfect level of cortisol hormone for the growth of acne. Damn ! now my face had covered with acne scars and it looks adorable. =.=' fakkk ! acne scar never look good on face or maybe its a signed to shows that I've struggle for my final. Now under treatment of stem cell serum and it do takes time.

18th.February.2014. last day for final examination. OSPE day ! 12 noon I am officially in holiday. End of semester holiday..

Jan 24, 2014

study week ?

hello people !
according to the title I mean the question above looks like I need to explain more. Its almost 12 midnight and we got another 7 minutes before we enter to the new day which is Friday. Actually,I already in holiday but not really a holiday because for me holiday is all about doing nothing unless hanging out enjoyed my venti size frappucino. Since,I've got 16 days left for my final so I need to sacrifice my social life and need to read books before its too late.

Listening to Love Somebody by Maroon 5 reminds me of something that I really don't want to remember and just if I could delete most of the unwanted memories but I can't and that's the fact I need to accept. I think I should not care about that,right ? because every single second I will make a new memory and yeaa I shouldn't care. Just need to enjoy every moment in my life..

okay get back to our topic.! I need to revise 6 modules and really need to manage my schedule properly so I won't waste a month later.
I'd planned to head back to Kuantan next Tuesday but am not sure because it wasn't me the one who bought the ticket so I didn't know the details.
Three days left and I'm totally out from here for a week only. LOL.
but who cares even for a day I am really grateful if I could escape from here.

ouh I forgot ! I wanna share something for today's entry but its about yesterday story. I'd watched the latest movie of Frankenstein ! and letsss SCREAMMMMM ! I gave three thumbs,9 stars and biggest smile I ever smiled.. I love the movie as I love the UNDERWORLD movie. Big clap to the producer,he is the same person anyway. Okay means it is a must watch movie for now peeps ! better go for 3D,the graphic was fantastic I tell yaa..

I like Dr.Wade character. She's hot and intelligent. ouh for medical student I really prefer you guys to watch this movie because there are scenes where the scientist mention some of medical terms.

okay done with today's entry and I supposed to read books now. goodnight people !

Jan 17, 2014

blessing Friday.

good afternoon everyone !
since today is a public holiday means I got no place to go instead of staying home.
Tomorrow start the weekend for this week and next week I got two End-Of-Module examinations in a week which on Monday and Wednesday.
what a crunchy week before I head back to Kuantan for Chinese New year break and together with study week. According to the latest updated timetable,right after the last day of CNY break we need to sit for final examination for about six days and that sounds soo creepy right ! Yes,it is !

means there are only 23 days left to study all the things like "everything" but for me the "everything" doesn't sounds so scary compared to our final examination for the whole pre-clinical years that they called as "Professional Examination".
This examination included all the lesson that we've learned for the whole two and a half years. Things getting tougher and tougher but all we can do is just work harder and harder. Lastly :
"Don't live in a town where there are no doctors"-Jewish Proverb

as the clock is ticking and so does the time is moving.
nothing worth more than appreciate the time because we cannot turn back time just if you got the time machine and just if Allah wills to bring you back to the past and fixed everything. Since 'just if" sounds like never gonna happened so we need to use time wisely people. 

I am here to remind most of you,just to those who read this that everything happen for a reason. We as Allah servants just believe that Allah never burden us with such a thing that we can't even bear. Live positively ! 

I guess its a quote for today's entry. 
Routines schedule :

11.44 am : I woke up from the bed and exhaled hardly as I had wasted my morning life. I should wake up at 8 but I didn't                                                 
12.30 pm : I cleaned up the mess and go on with my life. 
12.56 pm : took a shower
2.00 pm : oouhh ! world ! reality ! means I'm done with my shower
3.00 pm : started studying and getting bored
4.10 pm : doing pedicure and coloured my nail. Yeah sounds stupid and lifeless. That's how I live my life here as I got no car to treat myself a frapp now.
4.15 pm : checked my "bathroom" and post something about today 

*and this is the result