just stop it !

today was the last day of June and it goes wrong to me like insane one.
or maybe its a sign that July gonna be as crunchy as cocoCrunch,in sya Allah but yet still feel bad about today.. hello people ! it is Sun-day ! and it is weekend ! why must you gave me a damn !
before i proceed to the next movie i think it is more proper if i start with 00.00 am.

00.00 am : fall asleep like seriously ?! how come i've drank two cup of coffee about 12 hours before and it taste like s**t. too much coffee !
01.15 am : woke up and immediately stand on my feet. OMJAYYY ! its already 1 in the morning.
01.35 am : took a shower and its freaking cold,I'm freezing
02.45 am : switch on my laptop and continue with my study as its already Sunday,tomorrow got mini test for addition.
04.35 am : poouufff~ black out. WTF ! I'm all alone in the living room at this time. Call my housemate who already slept in the room as i can't even move my ass,then again i do the technician work,dealing with fucking fuse box.
04.56 am : alone again and took all of my stuff and continue in my room.
09.24 am : suddenly fall asleep as my head were spinning around and all i remember the last word that i read in the blue covered book of Biochemistry before i black out was 1,25-dihydroxyvitamin D3.
13.21 pm : woke up and survive before i took a shower.
15.35 pm : finished with my shower and ready to hunt for food

the real drama started....,

walk down the stair.
walk out from this place,

there's no food at the first destination and i was asking

"still want to look for food ?"

she replied, "ikot lah"

me was like what the hell man ! just now you were like okay lets go find a food then you were saying "ikot lah",

suddenly she said "there's got one restaurant front there and i want to go"

me : " hey fuck off ! you asked me to go with you thought we want to eat along but then you were like better i eat alone"

this is so fucking stupid ! 

then find for something else to eat and drink at the grocery shop. paid ! Walk to the "restaurant" that she said just now and it closed. since i talking to the phone then i walk first but then she walk faster and left me behind even when i've yelled for her name yet she ignored me like she didn't hear anything. I don't even know that she was deaf.

its already second semester and i know you very well my dear. I never tell anyone about you but you tell everybody about what cross in your mind about me and others.

HEY LET ME TELL YAA PLEASE STOP JUDGING PEOPLE AROUND YOU ! 

HEY PLEASE STOP MAKING ASSUMPTION WITH THE WAY PEOPLE ACT ! 

HEY PLEASE STOP TALKING STUPID THINGS LIKE "WHAT DID I DO UNTIL SHE DONE THIS TO ME ?"

go ask your own self before you judge others. Even our 'sister' also said the same things and yet you ignored her words and be the same you. If you don't want to listen to others word then don't asked for others opinion. soo IRRITATING ! 

**end of story for 30th june 2013. 

save your life with LOVE

a day left !

this is who i am now ! as June about to come to it end me is trying to change and hoping for July to be nice and better month for me,in sya Allah. 

fade away

Hello Thursday !
Did i ever realised that its already June. Can't remember when was the last time i post my entry but i miss it like a lot.
List-Of-Reasons-Why :

1.its 2013

2.already second semester

3.got test every week

4.need to draw lots of body's cells

5.submit assignments

6.attending the lectures

7.visiting the cadavers

8.clean up the mess

9.take a showers

10.sleep

those reasons are actually excuses why i had turn into inactive from hyperactive blogger. I need my spirit right back again,spirit where i care only for my books and those knowledge but yet still know how to approach people around me and be extra-friendly person. I'm still 19 and still got "teen" in my age so its not the time yet for me to move to the next level or phase in my life but i noticed the changes ! my life is different ! kind of bad different. Who said different is good ? its not my fortunate perhaps.

here i noticed people make friends for important. I noticed the environment was fake. I noticed when they smile for reasons. Maybe i shouldn't think much about it and get back to the purpose why i was here and why i chose here rather than UMT or USM. Medicine ! studying medicine for saving people's life. studying medicine because it was the only person i want to see when i grow up. Allah had ease the paths so i could be one of the medical student and alhamdulillah for the sustenance,for sure i won't let go of it. 

Now I facing the difficulty in surviving but then I was thinking its already second semester and I was really close to the end,all I have to do is stand still and be strong. Today I woke up because i had made it,made it to survive for yesterday. Today I still could stand on my own feet why not tomorrow and next. Allah had well planned. He knows what is the best for me ! He want me to learn how to differentiate between crystal and glass so that we wont kept the wrong thing where both are values but which one is the best depends on our experienced in choosing.

That's what i've learned throughout a year of being here since this is my very first time I stayed far away from home,like 100 miles away.! This is the story of how me as a survival struggling to survive but its not the reason why i chose "FADE AWAY" title. 

the title more to values that people thought they know how to handle it nicely but actually they failed. 

friendships

do they really know how to make it interesting ? do they really know what is the purpose of having this

 -ships at the end of "friend"? do they ? here i haven't see any ! maybe I only observe a few or what i'd experienced by myself. Honestly they don't and it way different goes to my life before where my friends know the value of friendships. On the first day I was here I be a normal me. The girl who say Hi to everybody without feeling shame and yet they were like what the hell and they were like "excuse me ! we're in college not high school." Then I was thinking maybe being friendly is kind of crime here so to avoid me from been caught better be "weird". Weird here means not normal,not doing the normal things. 

the question now 'where does the values gone ?' Are they left it home and forgot to bring it back here once they're coming home ? still got no answer for that ! 

medicine

"an apple a day could keep the doctors away !"
too many doctors in making but it depends on us either we want it better way or otherwise.
we choose our path and we make the difference,that's a reason why we need to learn how to survive without totally depends on surrounding,make environment easy to adapt instead.

as a medical student we need to learn more,more and more or in short infinity knowledge. In every new things that we've learn we'll know other new things and another lesson.
actually it is same goes to other courses,depends on how people describe their mind to learn those things. Since,I've enter the medical school it was something different with others where we sacrificed most of our time to spent on study and research. "good doctors-in-making are those who knows most of their books"
this quotes refers to those who always open any books for reference thus they will gain lots of information and new knowledge compared to those who usually depends on Mr.Google. For me Mr.Google not always right it just some kind of "thing" that easy to connect,that's all.

In brief,medical students do need books to live or else you might diagnose patient with wrong diseases,that is the most terrible part as a doctor in future, *just saying

 we doctors in making are fight every single second in our life for saving as many life as we could in the future. Pray for us !

Take it as it was

It is pathetic..!
Things are get worsen and all I can do is sit and watch instead of speak and "burst". Maybe you think I'm doing nothing to fix it. Actually I choose to stay away rather than be close and approach.
I need space,I need time and I need strength where I didn't get before..
About 7 month and almost a year we stay together but you never realise how worse I am staying here.
Maybe It's already written that we are going to stay together for more than year but if you don't even realise how bad you make me feel for what reason things should be fixed.

You never know how does it feels when you bad mouthing me until people tend to fight with me just because of the guy that you like. You never know how does it feel when you've done that and I still accept you to be around me and help you in everything where none could be there when you in need but you still doing the same thing,in short repeating the simple mistake until I feel like you have no more interest to be my friend..

I don't know why but I want you to know people are talking about you to me,I choose to say 'NO..! You don't know her..!' Instead of expose who you are.. Maybe I say this because I kept many things inside or maybe I'd got intention to tell everybody about it but I refuse,I refuse to betray my own friend where I could make things better even small thing.. It's okay,I'll be fine with it..
::final decision : I will backing you up even though you think I'm going to tell everyone about what happened between us.. 

Never change

Things are still the same,nothing change and I'm very sure it won't change till I'm out from here. That's the only way but there's only one thing I won't it to happen. My mum know about this. She was 100 miles from here and I got less chance to be home. Everytime my mum called I'll said that everything was fine but deep inside I was like "mum I wish you were here all the time please be with me". 
I can't,I can't and I can't say that cause I want she know that her daughter was strong enough to deal with life far from home. Before I still can be at home every weekend but now I can't cause it just wasting my time.
Honestly,I hate my life here and I admit I was pretending that I'm enjoy it all the way but the truth is I'm so not.!i don't know which part did i missed until I'd be in this kind of situation. Just if I could run as far as I could cause I cannot accept anyone here anymore. Everyday I cried and prayed so things will getting better but seems I need more strength to stand another day till 5 years..
People here didn't know what does the friends mean to them. I found its hard to find for even a friend that really could stick with us.. Everyday also I said to my mum that I need car so I'm not depending on others car. In sya Allah I will got it soon. Now all I need to do is stay strong and leave it to Allah cause He got better plan for me..

lil'shafi got advices.

welcome back #shafirahrosli..!
i have only ten fingers but now seems like i cant use it to count how many month i haven't walk on this land of "GREAT AND POWERFUL".
countless for an active little blogger in the big blog world.
*applying lotion*
my fingers are ready to dance again on the kitchen of words that most of people called it keyboard.
hold your tumbler and ready to face all the words that coming up next.

*pressing the space bar*
slowly dancing,deeply taking breath and hardly push the brain to create new recipe on how to make words become sentences and story in one.let everything go and keep my finger healthy..
its sounds so inappropriate but that's the fact.
before i continue my journey to the top of the hill let me introduce most of the creatures around that never been introduce before.
Penang..! yup i did mention before that this kind of state is where i stayed now and 5 years more. Attending the lecture,joining the practical class and presenting in the small group discussion were part of my journey and things that i couldn't skip in everyday routine so that's why i would like to say that i love this kind of life.. means by busy life because its like i've got something to do instead of spending time with sleep and lay on the bed. sound boring if its really happened haa..
just so you know this feeling had taking control of me until i'd consumed all the energy that i should save for the next day. Excuse Me..! too many words here.. (high pitch...)

now the story begin..,
end of first semester break is just in a few days..(happened about month ago.!)
finally i can meet my house after been 2 month i stayed penang.
firt person i met once i step on the tar-made road on the Kuantan's land is my mom. Honestly i miss her soo much on that time and glad could meet her.. no touching story allowed.!
then i spent most of my time being home and exploring my house every single day as i know i have to leave it soon. and now i have to face Penang..!

then..,
since i always meet my mother i tell her most of the things that i experienced here..
first sentences that she said is :
"as long as we live be nice to everybody equally without asking and expecting for any reward from doing that"
what if we stayed 6 people in the house but we the one who always do all the housework.
second advice :
"anywhere we go keep that place clean even no one care of doing so"
mother your daughter will spend more than an hour when she taking a shower so she dont like using dirty toilet thus she will clean up the bathroom everyday even there're another two more used it and do not know how does the clean toilet looks like.
third advice :
"when you brush up the toilet floor it is considered as exercise so do it and never complain"
but then the electricity is very poor,most of the time it will switch off and black out so one of us need to turn it on at the fuse box,mom the reason we stayed 100 miles from home is to be a doctor not a technician.
fourth advice :
"my daughter Allah promised that every pain you've been through in your life will gave you a big reward hereafter or maybe soon or later so accept it with open heart and never stop praying"

finally i just surrender in complaining and continued watching the television with all the advises playing in my mind until now. once i reached here,Penang i continued doing it but most of time i still complained but not to those who around me but to my journal instead. *sigh*
that's how my second semester brought to me. challenging but taught me to stop complaining.
 there is always a light at the end of the tunnel

white for hi-tech

*inhaled*
new year had comes and new thing had arrived.
telling a short story about my "bucky"..!
i was dreaming to have 'him' about month ago and finally my dream came true.
Thank You Allah for the sustenance..
now i introduce you to my mini "bucky"..

the reason i choose pink casing cause boy in pink was cute and 'he' looks cute in pink. *wink wink*

20.13

we've changed every single day even it has been added another one number to the numbers in the year (2012+0001=2013) but still didn't realised the changes. people were very busy thinking about their own life where most of them were like walking without looking,eating without talking,sleeping without dreaming.. world was the main idea in every thought. influence from the words "Live life to the fullest" perhaps or "things to do before i die".. arghh ! whatever ! i should start telling the story rather than crapping of how to clear people minds from that kind of thought. no-sense at all !

Let's feel the moment...,

31st december 2012 was my last day watching the big flat screen,staring at the books in my own cube,laying on the comfort couch with remote in my hand and eat lots of food with no charge. heaven haa ! that's why until now people put their trust on this quotes "Home sweet home" because its the fact that no one cant denied.. we able to taste,feel and smell all the sweetness once we're reached home. yeahh no place like home. should i compliment more.? i think that's enough since today i'm going back to Penang.. well everyone wish the college that they enter now was just beyond their yard and yeaa me ? also got the same thought. let me tell you one secret,sometimes we need to travel and stay so that the world knows our existence. we'll learn just a bit if every single day doin the same routines,at the same place,same time until the year end. world need to explore,time need to consume,body need to move so that everything will worth it like thousand ants that never stop working.. is it same.? i dont think my grandma care,huh.! 

back to our story., to make the journey sounds interesting....,

tup,tap,tup,tap was the noise of the black boot that hit the floor of the main mall in Kuantan around 5 o'clock in the evening.. the glass door automatically slides to open once i step on the big black carpet right in front of the door. main reason why i prefer to waste my time that i suppose to spend on reading was "outfit". i need something new to wear for college so thought that this mall got everything then puufff i found lots of thing but i didn't buy it all since i need to save my money for future. good plan,my mum will proud if she found out that her daughter knows how to save money.. *big smile*

Rest In Peace 2012..

HELLO New Year.!

the story begin when its almost 12 midnite where three of us met and decided to join the community to celebrate new year at the place named Teluk Cempedak since the rain had stop pouring so we could stay outside under the open sky. as we know this kind of event makes half of Kuantanese stay up all night just to watch how people amused their self at first but then most of them change their mind and gone wild. in just 30 minutes the place had been filled up with crowds. squeaky noise of the plastic trumpet been blow,the white foam that appears when the sprayer been pressed. common things during new year celebration. used to it. -..- people get out of control and chasing each other like damnn..! huhh,feel the tired of running by telling all this.. now need rest since i haven't sleep yet. *faint*